Reality

Sometimes, I think that living in a world where situations, people and lifestyles are not really what they seem tends to enable us to escape in our own mind and dream up a fantasy land that lives inside our head.

When somebody asks us how we are, the majority of us would reply, "Fine. I am fine today."

Are we really?

When we start to talk about our REAL problems and REAL feelings, it is considered complaints. It is considered negative because let's face it. All problems are negative, that's why they are called problems.
Instead of truly revealing our thoughts and emotions, we start looking for the escape in different ways. Some outlets are positive and creative such as working out, drawing or writing novels. Then there are the not so fascinating ways to escape what is REAL.

We start looking for what is missing in other people, in other substances and even in different places, knowing that those places are dangerous.

I think it has come to a point where people brush off their problems and it reaches a stage where it becomes unhealthy because they're already six feet under. They are buried deep. They neglect what is happened and is becoming of them and do not want to admit that what occurred WAS REAL and IT IS OKAY to TALK about it. ADMIT IT. ACCEPT IT. Stop brushing it off like it never happened. Stop pretending that it's not real.

If I were to admit something, I am afraid of blaming someone else. I am also afraid of pity from others. I am afraid of being ridiculed as some attention-seeking child.

But that is what I want. I want attention. I want affection. I want someone to hold me and let me know that it will be okay. That is what I've always longed for. What is so wrong with wanting to feel loved and valued and respected? What is so wrong with wanting to feel ACCEPTED for these emotional flaws that cannot be undone? I want to know the answers to that. Aren't these real feelings? Aren't these the feelings that are tangible, that could possibly blossom into REAL joy and REAL happiness and REAL "Fine. I am fine today" responses?

I do appreciate everything and everyone. What I am not grateful for and what I cannot grasp is the appreciation to appreciate. How is it possible to appreciate when my reality isn't even real?

I love my life, truly, truly love everything about it. I do.

There are little snippets that like to replay every once in awhile. They stem from childhood trauma. I guess in some ways I use my adult life to escape what has already occurred.

But, I'm fine. I am fine today.